Love Letters And Suicide Notes

by Carlyle Laurent

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This album is semi-concept. The concept part details the story of a man slowly going insane and not having people there to give him the help he needs.


released February 26, 2016



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Carlyle Laurent Luxembourg

I make music in my room

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Track Name: Voices I
Who do you trust
you'll never get that far without one of us
to guide you through all you fear
we are the only people you can trust here
Track Name: Shadows
Verse 1:
It's a touch on the skin
can you feel it
it's a moment of truth
do you believe it

I'm waiting for someone to tell me it's fine

Got a letter from home
they said they're thinking of me
sorry to leave me alone but they could see no other
way i'm okay, it's alright, don't you worry bout it
I've got some friends in the shadows and they'll help me through it

And that's no way to live
that's no way to live
yeah that's no way to live
with nothing but

love letters and suicide notes
love letters and suicide notes
love letters and suicide notes
love letters and suicide notes

Verse 2:
It's a phantom in the air
do you trust it
its a life of despair
is it worth it

I need a second to think before I make up my mind

Got a letter from home
they said they're thinking of me
sorry to leave me alone but they could see no other
way I'm alright, it's fine, don't you fret about it
my friends all want to be happy healthy minded with it
Track Name: Breaking
Verse 1:
I push my fingers
deep inside until my nails break
I tug my hair until all thats left is a
reddened spot on my scalp

And I don't know if I should seek help
I don't know if it would do me any good to have you
stare at me through a window in a door

We're broken battered broken battered
breaking down

Verse 2:
I left my soul in the open so you could see it
you took it away, said I don't need it
gruesome fingers wrenched it away
and left a trail of grime and death in their wake

you made a mess of me
you loosened my screws to watch me fall apart
I needed you to be my glue my adhesive
to fill the gaps and holes emerging in me
Track Name: ESISID
Verse 1:
Don't tell me not to love you
Don't tell me not to care
Don't tell me I'm better off without you
Don't act like I should be aware

that you think you bring me down
as you're lifting me up
I could never give you up

You're making me fly when I
thought my wings were clipped
and you say I shouldn't love you

Everyone should
Everyone should
Everyone should
I should, I do

Verse 2:
I hate it when I feel so alone without you
I'm losing myself to the cold without you
I'm so warm when I have you but you
think its all make belief and

you tell me not to love you
don't tell me I shouldn't love you cus

Track Name: Broken Toy
I've been waiting for this to make sense
but it just won't
no matter how I
phrase it

I feel your laughter burrow in through my pores
and hear it scatter
like a broken band
of pearls

Cut me out like the broken toy
I am
Cut me out cut me out
I'm not worth it.

You can find me on the bottom steps of your staircase
praying you come down, 'cus I don't have the strength
to go up
You can find me fighting with myself outside your window
praying you come out, 'cus I don't have the strength
to give up

I'm going out of my mind and out of my head
got nothing to prove, I'm better off dead
and it seems you know everything
The secret was min I wanted to keep it
you weren't supposed to know anything
but the other versions of me have loose lips

Cut me out like you do like you've always done
Cut me out like the cancerous growth I am to you now
Track Name: Alone At Last
Verse 1:
Alarm wakes me up I've not had enough sleep
I hit snooze instead of stop
end up running to where I gotta be

I don't lose quite enough time
walking there and back
where my time to think is and

Steer clear everyone I don't wanna meet
alone at last
I need that solid stone beneath my feet
to make the time pass
alone at last

Verse 2:
Alarm wakes me up I've not had enough sleep
I hit snooze instead of stop
don't stop watch the road in my rush

I don't lose quite enough time
running there and back
disobeying street lights

Chorus 2:
Watch people fade around me as I run home
alone at last
Solid stone is fractured where wheels skid
wish the time would past
alone at last

Verse 3:
Alarm wakes me up I got just enough sleep
i hit stop instead snooze
walk out at my own pace

I lose too much time
alone with myself
car comes out of nowhere
hits me full pelt

Chorus 3:
Lie on the ground feel the life leave me
alone at last
Solid stone is getting red with me
time doesn't pass
alone at last
Track Name: Voices II
Reject your friends
they lie to you
you have no home there
reject your family
they hurt you so
we'll never hurt you or harm you we swear
Track Name: Black Sky
I'm alone under the face of a black sky
don't wanna count all the times I've asked if I'll make it through the night
without her it's a losing fight

take a double dose of pills if we fight
but i don't even need em if I know that she's alright
I don't pray but I'll pray tonight

I'm alone and nothing is quite alright
but she can be the only patch of light in a black sky
I need you tonight

This feeling's enough to bury me alive
But she's enough to save me from myself and bring me back to life
stay with me tonight

Lately I feel like I'm on fire
watch smoke rise off me higher to join the black sky
I hate this I miss you I'm ready to cry

This isn't what we are
this is me powerless and afraid
help me
Track Name: Daylight
Verse 1:
and I'd love this oppurtunity to vent on
my own terms
But everybody wants you do things their way
I'd love this oppurtunity to show em how it hurts
and how it hurts the girl that I love

We have a different kind of love
we have a different kind of pain
we don't need you to suck us dry
of what we are, of what matters to us so

I need a bit of power
to turn these sinners into stone
I need a bit of fire
to burn these vampires out of their home

Verse 2:
I'd love an oppurtunity to play you back
what you've done
but would it hurt you
I'd love this oppurtunity to show you
what I've become
but would you believe it was due to you

We are the product of what you made us
with all your jabs and taunts
I'm tired that you're the ones who shame us
but it's somehow our fault so

Chorus 2:
I need a bit of mercy
to leave these sinners alone
I need a bit of daylight
to let these vampires go
Track Name: Alright
Verse 1:
Tell me that you'll be alright
I'll sleep next to my phone tonight
I might have trouble closing my eyes

I need this to work
I need this to be alright
I'm alright
don't worry please
I'm just fine

Verse 2:
I'll tell you that I'll be alright
there's no need for you to clutch your phone tonight
I'll have no trouble closing my eyes
Track Name: The Mormon Warrior
His name was Ryan from a European ghost town
He was a dedicated member of his Mormon church
He wasn't satisfied with his little quiet town life
He knew he was destined for greatness on this earth

and his Father came to him with a proposition
He said how'd you like to spread out word with a Mormon mission

Ryan knew that this here was his moment
his chance to finally travel and do something great
where do you want me to go my Mormon father
he said we're sending you to a real savage place

Where the people do not accept Jesus at least not yet
Ryan puffed out his chest and stood tall said that's where I come in

He packed his things and got right over to the airport
he was shaking with excitement time to spread the word
The take off all went smoothly nothing to worry about
It wasn't until later things started to get weird

As the sky turned a shade of red as it filled with blood
by the time he'd landed in Tahiti, end of days had begun

He ran to his curch for shelter
the Demons ran everywhere
one tried to creep up behind him
with a karate chop he took of its head

He's a Mormon warrior
Destroyer of evil
He's the prophet of destruction and the sword of Jesus

Ryan fended off at least 30 demons
The rest suddently exploded into dust
A beam of holy light came down from the ceiling
Inside was Jesus came to tell Ryan what's up

He held twin swords of flam and holy justice
He held them out to Ryan and said Go kick some ass with this

Ryan waded into the horde and span a circle of flame
incinerated 50 demons, and made a trophy necklace out of their tails


It wasn't long before ryan had destroyed every demon on Tahiti with his flaming swords
Their horned heads lay on the ground around him
he plunged his swords into the earth the Lord's work was done

A hole opened in the earth and took back the scum
Tahiti was saved from apocalypse by one Mormon
Track Name: Blame
I set
too many fires
everywhere I turn there's nothing left to burn
a little too much mayhem
now its all turned

black and grey and ash
and far too hot to pick up with your hands
don't burn yourself
you'll get a blister like me

I'm afraid I must insist
on getting my own way
In every little thing or there'll be hell to pay

so line on up best you can
and form a que
if you really think the person
who deserves their own way is you

Let's not do something RASH
I'm losing control
give me a slap on the BACK
so I can choke it up whole

Verse 2:
A nasty bit of business that was
now shall we move along
I could do with a break
I get exhausted being

so right, all the time
I never miss a beat
nothing's my fault
get it right and take your blame receipt
Track Name: Never Again
I had my hands on the door handle when she said please dont leave yet I've still got a little bit of me left in you

I told myself I need to stand firm this'll probably never work and I'm sure she knows that too

I cross my fingers as I take my first strid it's cold outside and I think I need a bigger coat
she said don't leave me alone

I brush the snow off my face as I close the door I tell her just one night more she said I knew for sure that
You wouldn't leave that way I say oh no just not today tomorrow I'll be gone and I'll be far away
I get on the couch she says you can stay on the bed I say clear your head it's not just gonna happen like that
You gotta accept the facts

She came downstairs in the night to ask if I want anything I said I want you to let me sleep I need my rest for when I leave but

She said I don't think you really need to go yet let's talk about it for a moment but there's nothing you can say to me

I think it's all been said and done and I don't think theres any more fun to be had you've gone and knocked that nail in hard and good
she said maybe we could

stay together for the good times we had just because right now they're bad doesn't mean they'll stay that way
I said never again
Track Name: Voices III
They don't understand
they abandoned you, but you don't need them
we're good for you
we're all you need
Grabs your knives, let out a scream
Track Name: Love Letters And Suicide Notes
Verse 1:
Don't swallow me please
I'm begging you
Let me breathe
Let me see air

You've got your hand on my head
Putting pressure on
under the water where everything blurred

Let me be
let me atrophy
inside my head

help me please
but stay away

I need to do this
by myself
on my own

I'll write abotu it in
love letters and
suicide notes

The voices tell the truth
the voices tell me lies
wont somebody tell me
everything will be alright

They tell me I'm demented
I'm disturbed leave me alone
I'll write about in love letters
and Suicide notes

Verse 2:
Cradle me
please hold my head
stay with me
I'm a mess

dual voice:
Let me be
let me atrophy
inside my head

help me please
but stay away

I need to do this
by myself
on my own

I'll write abotu it in
love letters and
suicide notes

Broken glass
scatters my floor
my feet bleeding
I can't be alone anymore